embolism

Well, I've heard a lot about being an architect of one's own life....Thinking in a particular way.....Taking control of one's life....

And I've went 'hmmmmm' at that...neither thoroughly supporting it nor vehemently disagreeing with it....

But a feeling of sheer helplessness, a feeling of anger(grinding teeth and desire to beat fists on table), a feeling of shock, culminating in a state of numbness

is what I am going to narrate to u about, now....Some of the statements mite be quite blunt, but hey! I'm not exactly famous for mincing my words am I?

You've lived ur life wary of her... You do not even know what she IS, forget about how to react to her and her 'tantrums'.....Is she mentally challenged? No doesnt seem like it.....Is she physically disabled? Certainly not....As you've grown up, you've neither felt the need nor has there been an opportunity for you to actually find out what happened to an approximately 30 year old woman who looks and seems to be fine, but lacks the mental maturity of one! A ten year old is who u are interacting with....A ten year old who throws tantrums and causes u, a 16 yr old to be slightly embarrassed in front of other relatives....

Well, one fine chilly night is the right setting for the story to be recollected and possibly even relived aint it??

Flashback about 28-29 yrs ago, when there was a 1-2 yr old small girl, who had just fallen ill....The place is Benares....And here we have a DOCTOR! the girl's grandfather...The mother and the unfortunate girl, were supposed to travel by train to some other place, where the father would be waiting for them...The mother rightly refuses to travel whilst the baby is suffering from diarrhoea...The Doc grandpa on the other hand, ignores these pleas, saying he doesn't want to incur the wrath of his irate son in law...And so the journey begins....

Thats where the life of Tulasi(I didnt even know her fucking name! Such a beautiful name...her nickname sonu was being used ever since I've known her) took a twist...The diarrhoea becomes more severe and causes dehydration, which directly affects her brain....I'm still too fucking shocked and numbed and sad to make all this bold and create an effect or draw attention...

Her fate was decided for her, by her parents/grandfather/what the fuck!?!?

Did she have a say in her life? No
more fucking importantly, DOES she have a say in her life?! NO
Its not like she needs constant supervision, but she will not grow mentally to make decisions for herself...Her marriage was a hasty decision and hence a disaster...A lot of ppl suffered because of that...

ALL this, because of some stupid ppl deciding for u? Making a wrong call??
Alright maybe it wasnt a stupid shocking decision, but nonetheless A WRONG decision, COMPLETELY out of ur hands? I'd hardly think there are enuf 1-2 yr olds around, who would straighten their diapers, stand tall and categorically refuse to travel by train on account of their delicate disposition....

Inference drawn : Life can fuck you....Ppl and circumstances around you can fuck you....So bad that if u watch ur own life from a third person's point of view, it can be scary sometimes...

If Tulasi is today, given an opportunity to get out of her current state, and know, analyse and think about what happened to her and what could've been without that accident..........i dont even wanna think about her shock....

Fuck I'm too shocked and numbed to say anything more.....Her life....A life....Valuable life?
Gone....