Hold on to reth

Reth is a good word. Means sand, of course.

That's what life is, I feel, sometimes. Hopping from one sand dune to another, sitting down, admiring it, playing with it and then trying to hold on to it. Of course, slips right through your hands. And you try harder.

Memories and experiences in your life can be similar. And since you don't have any control at all over that mass of a few kgs, the more you want to hold onto a memory, the worse u retain it. If only you could specify a caching algorithm.

The ability to revisit your own memories would have to be one of the most  awesome advances in science. And I'm not talking about going to a peaceful place and tickling your genitals and finding that inner tranquil spot so that the mind is pure and clear and reminiscing n all that. I'm talking about a full on matinee show, popcorn et al. You're there, but you aren't. You're experiencing all the emotions, except (aha!) they're new to you! Kinda like in a Pensieve actually, beaut concept that. The clincher of course being complete erasure of all the "data" pertaining to your previous experience of this experience, so that you can re"live" it.

Example you say? I'd wanna relive, not frequently, but definitely TRULY relive (for the first time, every time) the recently concluded blissphemy known as Rock in India. Metallica finally got here. Old. Lazy. Slightly out of tune, on very rare occasions. But you know the deal with incredibly talented musicians, they can't get rid of it even if they want to :) So, they came with all their announcements of safety (Delhi fiasco?!) and incredibly mellow approach (no swearing on stage:| ), but all of that was totally eclipsed by the truly awesome music they'd created, a few decades ago. They wanna play still, they love the music they made, it makes them tick, makes them feel alive. You'd have seen it otherwise. And I think maybe, maybe they loved us too, the "feedback" we gave on their internal monitors...

;)

exactly one day after the concert, and I need facebook to remind me the setlist:

Creeping Death, For Whom the Bell Tolls, Fuel, Ride the Lightning, Fade to Black, Cyanide, The Memory Remains, Welcome Home (Sanitarium), Sad But True, All Nightmare Long, One, Master of Puppets, Blackened, Nothing Else Matters, Enter Sandman, Am I Evil?, Battery and Seek & Destroy


And some day I'd definitely like to be back at Palace grounds, with the same bunch of ppl, the same mood, the same maahaul, and relive it. Scream at the top of my lungs. Think about how I felt when I first listend to this song 15 years ago, how my meagre brain had interpreted it in awe and really, just simply enjoyed the curious combination of audio signals, combining to produce vivid sensations.


Yet I can't.


Jim Croce went into mushyness with this song, but he had the general idea nailed down:


If I could save time in a bottle 
The first thing that I'd like to do 
Is to save every day 
Till Eternity passes away 
Just to spend them with you


Well, I'll just have to make the most of what's left alva? Quite a lot will be different this time when you're gone..Because of what you've done, or haven't..And I fear what will happen after. 

Guilt

Such a personal thing. It is amazing how incredibly personal that thing is. You can talk about it, reason with other ppl, get others' sympathy. But eventually it is your own courtroom that has to acquit you. Judge and jury and defense too.

And what about the outside world? Are they ready to see and understand your guilt? Or lack of it? Cos guilt can sometimes also be the result of very specific/personal moral standards/rules. And how do you show that to somebody, or make them see that? Heck, you have trouble getting through a simple feeling sometimes :)

Bottom line : You have to be ok with yourself in the end kano. Everything else is fixeable. Or doesn't matter.