Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Self Suicide

There was One.
The One.

Many people saw different faces, in different places, but that was untrue.
Just one, very aware, masquerade.

Not entirely unnecessary or unwarranted. Life throws up different situations, and a human who has tasted salt and spice, will naturally adapt and react and morph.

Sometimes there is awareness of the current state of mind, the show being put on. Sometimes it is spontaneous and subconscious.

Today was different. Today was turmoil, torture.

Highly aware, unable to run, caught in the ring with himself. How could he?!
Why was fate/universe/God/ doing this to him??
If only he could turn back time; He wasn't really to blame; If he's reached THIS level of callousness, it's hopeless; But it was just a one off incident....

A distraction, a smile, a good time, a nice song, an engaging problem, a conversation, a break.

And then back in hell. Back to Parallelogram one.

The voice inside the head grows louder, and dominates, and poisons.

And then there were two.

Of course everybody hears voices in their head, he said to himself. It was normal. Nobody just admits it. That was normal too.


"Really? Good then..."
"You really shouldn't have done that though...that's definitely not NORMAL..."

Yeah yeah sure..I know that already...

"No I mean, look at what you've done! How can you look at yourself in the mirror? How can you live with yourself...."

No wait, it's really not that bad...Actually..I mean...is it?

"Of course it is...there's no going back, no matter what you tell yourself...There's only one solution, only one ending in sight"

Hah! Sure...I'm definitely not ready to be kidded around, right now...

"Look at what you've done!! you can pacify yourself a 100 ways, but the damage's done..I mean, which sane, normal, person does this kind of a thing to another human being??

You're pathetic; You don't deserve a second chance...You should end it right now"

But, hey wait a minute there...

"NO! Do it...Finish yourself..Stop this misery that you call a life..You don't deserve it..STOP!"

I don't want to!! I think..

"STOP! END! NOTHING YOU CAN DO WILL CHANGE ANYTHING; YOUR LIFE DOESN'T MATTER! YOU ONLY CAUSE HARM TO OTHERS! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!!

PICK

UP

THAT

GUN!!"

No...........I don't want to....I think I can change....Help!!!



And then there were none.