Thursday, March 30, 2006

high restraint

.................... exercised to refrain from taking "your" name


Hi "you"

Yesterday night you told me that u hate it when people said the phrase "yesterday night". You saw the phrase "yesteday night", in my latest post , the one before this,yesterday night , and even corrected me with an alternative, which i decided to start using from yesterday night only ya !!!!

The correction was "last night"......

MakkaLe ? Yellru paTha kalthkonDra? u are supposed to say "last night" ok?....... Today's homework... use that phrase today,whenever u talk about something that happened yesterday night
, oops last night i mean !!!! :D

Okay okay i will stop....... I hope "you" will take this pun well, in the right spirit..... I just couldnt resist this post !! I hope you know me enough to take this the right way :D :P.......

Thanks for the infi anyway, "you"..... :D :P

woman

When a woman cries, I dono if its just me, but, I find something so plainly painful.... Women are so much more emotional than men, and hence when they express it, I get to see so much of it..... And nowadays, whenever I see a woman cry, I feel "oooooooo mama !" inside..... It makes me so uncomfortable, I',m like "i need to do something.....get out of here? console her? say something funny?" ..... I am usually in this chaotic situation during life yes, but it gets quarkic (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA! for the word) when i see a woman cry...... My immediate reaction is to want to protect her (from what?! gottilla exact aagi but protect her ashte)..... One recent episode where i caused a girl, well partly, to cry was enough for me..... I was in a public place and so was she, but it was so overwhelming (me and my big mouth !!! wat a time i had to pick to say something like THAT about her) ..... anyways, that moment also made me realise that i NEVER want to make a girl cry.......... its almost like slaying a unicorn for me :P

Oh by the way, this weekend and past few days (maybe more days to come also)collectively is summarised by the following (Karan, plagiarism zone.... get the fuck out of here) :

Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
So part of the plan
When something is broken
And you try to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way you can
I'm diving off the deep end
You become my best friend
I wanna love you
But I don't know if I can
I know something is broken
And I'm trying to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way I can

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh...

You and me are floating on a tidal wave...
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space...
And singing

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh...

You and me are floating on a tidal wave...
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space
You and me are floating on a tidal wave...
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space...
And singing

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Force

  • The will to remain sane when everybody around you seems suddenly weird
  • The strength to stall urself, when u just wana lose ur rear tyre and spiral out into oblivion, down the cliff
  • The concious effort to hold onto ur reigns when there is a push to let the horses run amok
  • The courage to take the deepest test of character and self, when you are doubting ur self and ......... ur self ashte
  • The tolerance to allow for coincidence and to understand others !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Too much of it can lead to erosion and overriding of the self...... The ability to draw a line)
  • The stability to not let ur mind conjure things out of thin air, To get a grasp of reality and to stop hellifying ur life......

Exactly when these and many more such things are missing, does ur cousin come to u for emotional support !!!

It is time to enter a cocoon...... To get out of me and watch me...... To float, to drift....... To let the rudder go...... there aint no autopilot mode, i know, but such a depressing flight ! No peanuts, No movies, No hot air hostesses........ Just a pilot sitting alone, holding the stick....... ahahahahah ! even thats boring nowadays.......

A lonely child, a bird of sorrow
is all she can see,
'cause people came and changed her as they pleased
She'd wake up in the morning and then she'd kiss the flowers again
Sometimes thinks of people who're not the same

Till
Im
No
one
again

But then again i see that loneliness and sorrow haunts a lot of people in a lot of ways, at a lot of times..... and i question my self...

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk


Is it so?!?!?! I am confused ..... It is a little serenity and calm in my thinking that i need.... It is a little more stability .... aargh ! A little display of ego and yearning of self respect..... yes..... no...... wait........ change for the sake of others......... philosophy....... made by others........ must focus on what my mind says..........

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most? (did i have one at all sir?)
Gone away



The answer shines like a beacon...... it does...... the shelter from the storm..... the soothing presence...... the halls mint for the soar throat ....... A temporary relief, until the storm passes.....
My road to stability.............

Is that too in jeopardy, I fear???

Smile on my face as i read this

My friends are so depressed
I feel the question
Of your loneliness
Confide... `cause I’ll be on your side
You know I will, you know I will

X girlfriend called me up
Alone and desperate
On the prison phone
They want... to give her 7 years
For being sad

Chorus :
I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you don’t know yourself

My friends are so distressed
And standing on
The brink of emptiness
No words... I know of to express
This emptiness

Chorus :
Imagine me taught by tragedy
Release is peace
I heard a little girl
And what she said
Was something beautiful
To give... your love
No matter what

She

These days, I find it hard to sleep with all the heat n stuff..... And yesterday night was no exception as i struggled inside my cocoon of sorts (I am very used to a mosquito net hung around my bed.... the solles can be very pestering)...... Also, I have now woken up twice sometime in the night to have a drink of water, so apparent the thirst becoming as i slept......

But yesterday, I had a weird dream..... weird in the sense that this was a direct result, I am sure, of something i'd read at around eight in the evening yesterday...but that was in a different context and different situation slightly.. What surprised me most is, why of all people SHE came in my dream ! then again, better her than somebody else....

Its about me and a friend.... I also remember that there is some college related function for which a lot of friends of mine are gathering..... Me and this particular friend are sitting in a room in some house, which is supposed to be mine (but isnt) and waiting for other friends.....

We get into this hearty serious conversation, abt why things have turned out this way with the people around us and ourselves...... and the next thing i know, she is hugging me....... and me thought, yeah sensitive topic enuf so a hug is warranted, but wait a minute ! are her boobs this big in real life too??? (cos i know its a dream)...... and it still hadnt gotten all that sexual..... it was just a hug...... its just that i have never been that close to her physically.... and it felt wow ! , warm and nice...... and even though we are both close that physically, we are still talking intimately abt that issue, both being sad and comforting each other..... and then she planted two kisses on either of my cheeks, and me at this point of time was feeling very nervous, excited and remember thinking to myself "Boy !!! is it hot in here?!?!" inside the dream.....

Also, woke up.... maybe for my own good..... went and got memiserableself some water....

Phoebe gets a dream and starts looking at jack geller differently n all..... I am kinda looking differently at her now.... but that only increases my sadness..... so no looking..... only :| ing away for sometime.....

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Advertising

I have always been fascinated by what limits can be reached and breached by a thinking and creative mind, especially in the field of advertising.... Now as i sit and silently observe the shit thrown to us in the form of ads nowadays (Right at the time u are having dinner, Mr RaviKiran pops up on ETV Kannada with "Harpic try maadideera???!!!"... no its not just that.. he has pictures of colourful shitholes, dirty ones, non dirty ones... the lot !!.... my fuming mom tells me that its only
at that time that they telecast that ad, the nasty sadists @ ETV kannada, she being quite an avid watcher of the soaps that appear on it), I cant help but wonder from time to time, the effort put into some brilliant and innovative advertising.... No, I am not referring to a falcon riding with a stupid looking emotionless guy, to some far off deserted mountain area, and finally the falcon landing on the outstretched arm of that idiotic moron and they finally tell me some name of a stupid bike.... nor am i referring to other blatant pleas of "our product is not selling... we WILL stoop to such low levels to get some ROI at least!!"

I was subject to an attempt at a brilliantly thought out advertising gimmick, until i realised what it actually was..... Me is sitting at coffee day chatting away, when this dude comes up to me with a bag and says "Excuse me sir" (pause) in that pause, i guessed him to be either a loan seller or survey guy or something ! ... Then to my surprise he says "I am from Bajaj, Apache our new bike sir.... Sir you are the winner of our "Coolest T-Shirt of the Day" contest for today... May i have ur name please?" ...... "And your telephone number?" ...."Thank you sir.... Here's your certificate" (with a nice lil smile)

Now by the time he asked me my phone number, I had a flash of what was going on, cos when he told me about the contest and me being the winner, there was a small sense of "hey!! cooool!!" inside me, with my mind working out the details. The details were : they give u a sense of elation and recognition, at the same time advertising their product !! A natural reaction towards any prize, or recognition is to show it to others right? ANd that is EXACTLY what they wanted !! job done !! Kudos for the thought process.....

Monday, March 20, 2006

My experiments with .......

I made hurlikayi palya and bele saaru the other day.... I ended up burning the hurlikayi palya and putting around three times the necessary amount of hunse hannu rasa into it. The reasons (facts) for the mishaps are as follows : (No blame is intended, on me)

1) I used a very high flame wherever low was needed...
2) I was misguided on the cell phone when me frantically asked the remedy for excess saltity in saaru... I was asked to add all sorts of things available in the kitchen, including hunse hannu rasa (which i had already added once), tomato, water and a potato piece !!! :O Being a novice cook, u can see how easily i was deluded and added some of the above, maybe in wrong proportions :D

A last minute genius like inspiration, however, and some extremely quick thinking in the battlefield (there was smoke everywhere after the hurlikayi palya incident !!!! I coughed my ass (lungs) off !!), enabled me to satisfactorily complete both missions !! The hurlikayi palya was transferred off the battlefield (another vessel) to prevent excess burning and a huge chunk of bella turned a saaru which tasted like whiskey into a saaru with a mild overdose of hunse hannu

My family members and a close friend are still alive after savoring my delicacies prepared by koli manja, aka me.... Thank god, I did not experiment with HCL this time.....

:D :P

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Holi

Yes its holi today........ I come to office enormously late (10:55 my watch reads, when i signed in the register for my temporary id... i'd forgotten my id at home). When i enter there are a bunch of people (northis mostly) standing and talking... at that point i had no clue that it was south indian holi day... such things tend to slip my mind these days... I have a hard time remembering my parents' anniversary and stuff like that....

Anyways, the batallion came and ripped thru us poor lambs like lamb chops being made out of lambs by butchers..... As i write this, I am mostly covered in purple ( I also have a poor color sense so it could be some other color too.... imagine something dark bluish) with shades of green, yellow and red also adorning my sick face........ I just let them do whatever they wanted to do.... a consenting rape victim.... a paradox

This activity reminded me of the days when we used to chase and get chased with eggs, filled with silver, the deadliest holi weapon known to mankind.... it was deadly cos of the humiliation of the egg and the stubbornness of the egg yolk..... jus wont go off u !! And instantly, as i was saying "Happy holi" and hugging strangers now and being "teeeka"ed, I was filled with a sudden sense of intense sadness..... this is in continuation with the way ive been feeling lately..... so it wasnt a surprise...... The past has been haunting me nowadays too much for my liking......

As i sit here amidst all the "hue" and cry (get it ?!?! :) ), I am bored of life..... If somebody got shot here on cunningham road, I would jus say "huh ! never seen THAT before" and walk on.....

:|||||||||||

P.S : No more he/she s here Krishna....... and no, this blog wasnt easy to write either.....

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

What drives the nail in the coffin

............... For you to give up.....

Yes I have faced this situation sometimes..... Where in u lose patience (and restraint maybe) and u say you give up...... on something, somebody.... take ur pick..... What ticks u off? How LONG do u hold on? That depends on the importance u attach to the object or person.... that seems like the answer i woulda received from griz.... hmm ok.... then when do u eventually give up ? after trying hard enough..... is what he would say to this too.......

My question here is : how important is it, to let the other person know, in the case of a person related problem, that u have a problem ?? You refrain from doing it..... it is vanity or stubbornness or stupidity i dont know.... but u dont wana tell the other person that u have a problem.... somehow, what u are expecting is a flowery apology from the "offender" (is he/she really an offender?!?!? we'll come to that!! ... ) saying that it was his/her mistake, he/she is extremely sorry and he/she wont do it again.... blah blah ......

But maybe, MAYBE things aren't really as drastic as u think they are..... If u were an outsider, looking at ur situation with ur irritator (wow oxford dictionary gets marvelous new entries !!) ..., u would say "hey hey hey !! look at this here.... that shud mean that he/she did/said taht with a purpose and hence u mistook it"....... (Dont even get me started abt coincidence being the root cause of most misunderstandings!!!)

So I intend this to be a practical guide to "what to do when u are pissed off??" ..... And i want to emphasize on practical hence the bold and italics.... cos lets face it, almost everybody gets pissed off

1) Get outside ur shell......... I mean the bubble of anger u are in....... Listen to some plinky plunky music maybe....... But make that effort to get outside the shell....
2) Just try and give the other person (offender) some credit...... By doing this when u r calm, ur mind can much more justly make the decision whether he/she deserves some credit or not.......
3) Look for any misunderstanding possiblity..... cos maybe u dint do something or dint understand something or whatever......
4) Clarify it with the other person........

Thoo hogolo.......sakkath kashta idella madakke........ practical guide gaya bhaaad mein ! Just go back to ur anger mood and rock on !!! :D

P.S : Sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkath washte naanu alla ?!?!? :P

Monday, March 13, 2006

scary sad blog

I've become so numb...... I cant feel u there..... I become so tired..... So much more aware.......

Really?? Is it me? Or is it him? Is this needed? This blog i mean? I am fine and he seems to be fine, both floating in our own separate soap bubbles......

Aren't we all? ...........................

But it is not just an remote sense, not just an intuition of the possible truth.... it is unavoidable, staring in my face and NOT important........ Relationships arent in life....... no they are.......... how important is the question....... no i dont know......... I am screwed........


Scary sad pathetic disconnected bubbles.... I am agitated as i write this post..... Why is it that i am usually agitated when i write? why do i write when i am agitated?

thu nimm"agi" hogo .... saaku albeda..... muchkondu "iru" ..... (In a rather high philosophical sense this word means "being" "living" etc etc in piece..... with urself...... Numbness again..... inert)

Adios........ (to who........?)

Friday, March 10, 2006

Today

Ivatthu naanu edde..... it was one of those awakenings which i used to have during 2nd PU afternoons.... I used to take a nap, with full of chemistry words buzzing in my head, and used to wake up with some equation on my lips.... :O

To define the word chaos, i need look no further than myself.... I had that happening in my head from around 7:00 am to 8:13 am at which point i could no longer take it ! different dreams and different people trying to tell me their story at the same time ! I was caught and listened to everybody !! It aint a pleasant feeling to wake up tired.....

I am going to be using the bat mobile for the last time today.... the caped crusader shall no longer rule gotham city .... An old and quite battered 6610 will join me and my endeavor called life from approximately 10.30 pm onwards

I also wanted to write a blog about women but my tongue is bitter right now and I became so numb .... onthara, I am in that phase where nothing seems to excite me and everything seems cliched or already happened and hence not exciting....... (I am again resorting to just writing what comes to my mind and not using the right words which is synonymous to the point i made).....



Oh also, my friend told me panickily one day taht some of our blogs were not accessible.... that is around the time i found out that tehre is something in blogger called "report objectionable content"

To those who want to do such a thing like close down my blog or report objectionale content here's my message :



.l..

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Mobile wonder

Recently, something happened which i think needs a mention here. Me and my friend chatting on me mobile phone ok? Then i get a message which is contextually appropriate and fine, but from a totally different number !!! like my chat was happening with a number like say 98865blahblah ... then this msg comes from 98860blahblah which like totally freaked me out and led to my suspecting that my friend had probably gotten a new number n all ! :O Sorry to that friend here... oh wait ! Friend doesn't like sorries n all ..... So taken back..

I am also focusing nowadays on gearing and braking efficiency nowadays nowadays(this nowadays is for the next statement)... braking efficiency aims at using the breake as less as possible... This has no doubt led to some rather interesting and proximal rendezvouss (plural) with some lorries and buses and other pleasant vehicles.... but not to be deterred by them, i march on with my study....